Marriage Counseling or Marriage Satisfaction Skills?

Why Not Just Wing-it?

Up until the late 20th century, people didn't go to couple's counseling. They didn't read books on marriage or watch Oprah. They didn't talk about Dr. Phil latest episode or go to marriage seminars. So why all this fuss about learning better communication skills, how to have a better sexual relationship, and knowing when it's time to get some outside help?

One of the main reasons is that the structures in society used to support a married couple staying together. In more recent times, there are numerous social forces and economic forces that pull couples apart. Many of the messages about marriage in the media imply or state that the passion and the electricity can only be experienced as an affair, a fling, or a "long-term relationship." In many ways the marriage relationship itself is under siege. Consequently, married couples who wish to create and maintain and intact relationship are almost asking for trouble if they don't give time and attention to actively growing their relationship, their communication, their common vision, and their intimacy.

Now, in the 21st century, couples who want to have a lasting relationship cannot afford to avoid taking time, energy, and money to work on maintaining and improving the quality of their relationship. Would you drive your car year after year without maintenance? Of course not. In western society today marriages generally don't rejuvenate themselves naturally. There are just too many forces such as stress, fatigue, unrealistic expectations, and temptation that create a kind of entropy within the marriage relationship.